Dear Ms. X:

Woah, long time since my last update! Sorry about that, folks, but I've been up to a lot of mischief. Jimes and gambles have been at play. Insert other fun cliche here.

I'd love to fill you in on everything I've done, but you saw a vague list in my last post, and let's be honest: nobody reads a stranger's blog to hear about chores and recaps. And if they do...well, it's probably because they're a superhero/villain and need a break from their otherwise extremely exciting lives.

Instead of telling you how many loads of dishes I've done and how many pages I've written (alright, the answer to both is 'oodles') I'm going to share something I've recently crafted: my 'kisses kisses please represent me' letter. The 'professionals' call it a query letter, but that's just because their educated lips don't know how to make proper kissy sounds.

Eventually, hopefully 'soon', I will have a completed novel. And when I have polished, sand blasted, and polished it again, I will seek an agent to seek a publisher to shove my baby in the public's eye. This is the letter that will hopefully start the process:

Dear Ms. X:

I thought that getting shot in the face by a green-eyed dame was the worst thing that could happen to me. Then my mother was kidnapped.

I don't want to think that it's my fault, but I have to face facts:

-I, like a brainless goldfish, swallowed a magic rock.

-Everyone and their enchanted dog wants the rock for themselves.

-The only leverage anyone could have against me was my mother.

-Someone decided to use that leverage.

Now I'm stuck working with two private detectives—one of whom is the lady that shot me in the face—who want the rock for their client. They've agreed to help rescue my mother if I give the rock to them. That is, of course, assuming there's some way to retrieve the rock before it gets absorbed into my body: a process which I can only hope will not kill me.

First Time's a Charm is a YA novel, the first in a planned series. The novel is complete at 65,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours,

Thomas Kaiser
(Edited and Produced by J Larkin)

So what do you guys think? If you received this amongst 50-60 other queries, would you, an imaginary agent, request pages? Or is the bait not tantalizing enough? I plan on sending the letter over to Query Shark  once Ze Book is complete, but for now I'll settle for posting it on my own site.

In other news, The Phil Innis Adventures had its first semi-successful recording session!! I have legitimate audio files to play with, and play I have. The episode is not complete, but when it is I'll post it up for people to have a listen to, just to see if the formula is right.

Until later, take care!

-J