Week 21: The Next Big Thing

Hello, Internet! How have you been? You're looking well. I like what you've been doing on Youtube. (And don't worry about that bit of bloating around your political side...I'm sure it's just a bit of swelling. It'll go down in another couple months. Until then, just cover it up with a few GIF jackets, and it'll be much less noticeable.)

Anyway, I've been up to stuff lately. Lots of stuff. Book stuff. Writing stuff. Head injury stuff. But that's neither here nor there (or maybe it is, how would I know? I'm still trying to catch up on what day of the week it is). But I am here now because my dear friend, President of the Missoula Chapter of the Extreme Grammarians (or something, I can never remember the full name, sorry!), and fellow budding authoratrix Amber June tagged* me in this neat little interview for human-types with texty works-in-progress.

The rules state that I am meant to say something about the process and my tagger, and then answer the following questions. I am also supposed to tag five people in turn. Unfortunately, I have been working very hard to conform to the scraggly-haired, scatter-brained, moony-eyed weirdo that REAL authors are supposed to be. What I'm trying to say is that I don't know any other authors or writers. Or rather, those I do run in the same circle as dear Amber June and I. So they've already been tagged. Plus, I waited until the day before my blog was due to actually ask anyone. They haven't responded yet. 

So, I'm going to be THAT gal and just tag anyone who reads this and wants to do it themselves :) I'll gladly add your names and links to your pages if you want to jump on the wagon. Just mention that you're doing it in the comments and I'll edit this beauty of a blog to include you.

Onward!

Ze Questions:

Ten Interview Questions for The Next Big Thing:

What is the working title of your book?

Lorelei, Once.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Alright, so. Once upon a time, I wrote a book. It was an awesome book full of detectives, sorcery, stolen artifacts, kidnapping, and face-to-knee-style violence. I loved this book. I still love this book. And absolutely no one in the publishing world wanted to touch it.

After the initial heartbreak, I found myself floundering for new ideas. I couldn't keep throwing my head against that particular wall, but I'd poured so much of myself into that one work that I was hesitant to offer more than a passing glance to something else. I decided I needed to hang up novel writing for a while, and perhaps play around with short stories, just to get the feel of ink back under my fingers.

But again, I couldn't latch onto an idea. A friend at work (cool guy; sexy writer's brain) suggested I work with some personal material. He mentioned stories I'd told him from my past: about my brother and I, running wild through the woods in West Virginia sans care, sans shoes, sans parental control. It was the happiest time in my life; full of sunshine and frightened toads and hidden turtles and more than a few near-death experiences.

So I did what he suggested, and considered those images. However...whether due to my grim mental state at the time, or simply because my Tim Burton-loving side was catching the light of the moon, the images morphed into something a little darker. I imagined the kids as pale-skinned, sneaky little sprites that lured people deep into the trees. I wondered where the kids might be taking these poor souls, and imagined a perfectly round pool that delved into the earth out of nowhere, filled with water slick and dark like an oil spill. And when the tricked humans crawled out of the pool, they were smaller. Paler. With wicked grins and yellow eyes and a penchant for luring strangers back to the pool...

Things started rolling after that.   

What genre does your book fall under?

Romantic comedy! Lawl. It's a YA Fantasy Horror. Though I suppose there is some romance, and a chuckle here and there.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

I have spent entirely too much time thinking about this, and when Joss Whedon finally gives in and buys the rights to this film, I'll have the cast list pretty much all ready for him! I realize that, unless you've actually read any of the book, this section doesn't matter to you. But for those of you who have, here's who I have mostly pegged:

(NOTE: I was going to have pretty pictures of the cast, but at the risk of bringing down the wrath of the internet with pics I don't own, I'll just list names with links to their IMDB pages).

Cinder, our leading lady/repentant siren:  Saoirse Ronan

Prince Aden: Jamie Campbell Bower

Daniel: Ian Somerhalder

Margaret: Anna Popplewell

Ysbail: Summer Glau

Rhosyn: Jayne Wisener

Connell: Chris Hemsworth

Dakir: Jamie Dornan

Amel: Liv Tyler

Amil: Zoe Saldana

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

A water spirit grows weary of drowning humans, and is offered a challenge: if she can guide a group of them safely out of her haunted forest home, her own humanity will be returned to her.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I'm gunning for the representation route, but my crystal ball is too far away for a proper reading, and I'm far too lazy to get up and grab it. Which means I could never successfully self-publish anything, soooo...

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Technically I DO have a first draft done, but I don't consider the manuscript finished. All the same, I started writing this monster in April (of this year). It feels like it's been much longer, but all things considered, this has come along very nicely and very quickly (my first book was nearly a three-year project, which I realize is still rather fast for a dayjobbing, sometimes-school-taking author, and I really cannot bemoan the time my craft requires. Did you know Tolkien worked on his world for...like...all of the time I've been alive?).

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

I know I should have an answer ready for this...but most Fantasy Horror books in the YA section are very heavily focused on romance. Mine is not so much focused on kisses. In fact...I don't think there's been a single proper kiss so far, not even between the awkwardly married couple, and we're nearly 300 pages in. So I'm not sure the comparison would stand.

Who or What inspired you to write this book?

The entire reason the main character is a reformed-ish water sprite is Florence + the Machine's What the Water Gave Me, which my First Wife (and real-life-plagiarization-victim inspiration for one of the most popular characters, thank you very much) directed me to, and which led me into the deep, wonderful cave of wonders that is all of Florence + the Machine's work. Some of the moments and details in the story are direct, obvious tributes to the band and their many wonderful songs. 'Girl With One Eye,' for example. Again, if you've read it, I don't have to explain this one.

Many musicians have had a heavy hand in the formation of this book, though. Ashley MacIsaac's 'Wingstock' gave me the idea for the Meridian Archers, and Flogging Molly's music helped form them into what they are now: easily the most popular characters in the book.

But back to that First Wife: my best friend, whose name I won't list just in case I end up getting sued by IMDB or something, has been a huge inspiration to me. She has directed me to awesome music, supported me from the moment I was floundering for new ideas and beyond, and just been the sort of epic hand-holder that the casual neurotic needs to get through something like writing a book with no solid evidence that it will ever go anywhere. That's why she's First Wife. And her stories about her Irish heritage were definitely straight-up stolen and tossed onto, as I said, one of the commonly favorite characters, Kelia, of the Clan McGuire.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

At its heart, this is a story about choices. How they really can't be made by anyone but the individual, even if they effect the whole party. Accepting that and rolling with those punches has been the hardest thing I've ever had to learn. And that little 'The More You Know' nugget is wrapped up in a tale with ghosts, spirits, leather-clad rebellion leaders, tragedy, comedy, and, FINE, maybe one kiss.

*follow-up joke: textually transmitted disease.

Requestion: Your Journey into Your Genre

Hello, and welcome to this Monday's

Requestion of the Week!

For those of you not in the know (at this point, that's everyone) here's the Requestion of the Week deal:

I, J Larkin, will begin with a little pondering about something. A question will be posed, and I will answer it for myself. Then, I will pose a follow-up request/challenge for you, my lovely readers.

All those who are interest, take up the challenge. Answer the question. Post your answer (or preferably a link to your blog where I can read your full, flowing, frabjuous response) in the comment section of the Requestion page. I will read and attempt to comment on all of your responses, and on Friday (which should give those interested plenty of time to procrastinate and then madly dash out a post in the last twenty minutes) I will put up a link or a quote from my favorite Requestion answer. For the moment, that's the big prize*. Free publicity.

And now, onto the main event! 

As I've mentioned, my current WIP is a fantasy horror. There are dead bodies, ghosts, hauntings, and a giant magical forest that wants to kill things a little. It's not all doom and gloom, of course, and I've tried to approach things in a more poetical fashion than the typical gorn (that's gore porn, for those of you not familiar with tvtropes.org) that is common in the modern horror tale.

This project is so completely different from 4th Leaf, and in fact is so completely different from what a lot of people would probably expect me to be working on, that I couldn't help but wonder how I arrived at it.

So let's take a little journey, back through my relationship with the Horror genre!

I originally had something actually horrifying here. Then I realized I wanted you to actually keep reading.

I learned to read when I was five years old, and once the door was opened there was no stopping me. It began with simple, typical five-year-old things, such as Little Elephant Turns 5, and the various Mercer Mayer books. I glommed onto every book I could find, and eventually started taking larger and larger paperback hostages, because I could. So I did. And before long I found a story that instilled in me a lifelong love of nautical adventures: Treasure Island.

"Who cares about that masterpiece?" you're asking. "I thought this was about Unpublished Author #999's history with horror?"

Too right. We have to remember, though, that I was 5-ish when I read Treasure Island. And some of those scenes were downright chillifying, and gave me the sort of delicious nightmares that leave you staring into space when you wake up, wondering how anything in your head could leave you trembling in the dark like that. It was my first experience being scared by the printed word, and it was exquisite.

Fast forward a few years. Before middle school, I latched onto and devoured most of the classic monster novels. Frankenstein. Dracula. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The works. I loved them all, and it never occurred to me that there was something odd about a preteen girl giggling over blood-sucking, body-throwing, life-leeching creatures roaming around Jolly Old England. They were awesome stories that made me afraid to step into the dark on my own, and that was sweet.

The problem with having a love affair with Classic novels, though, is similar to the problem with having a love affair with an elderly person (bear with me here): eventually, they expire. You reach an end number, and find yourself without any more dusty old spines to clamor for and--

You know what? Let's just leave that analogy there. The point is, there weren't any more classic novels for me to devour. So when I reached middle school I started trolling around in the Horror section of the library.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

It was all crap! Not even grade-A crap! Kids stupidly fooled around in the back seat of their cars in the exact same park where their friends got chopped into bologna fodder three days before. Lunatics sent vaguely threatening messages through newspaper ads because...uh...because they were the villains?

The final straw came after I read a book where the big 'EEEEEK' moment came from the fact that the heroine's boyfriend was cursed to be...ugly. Yeah. He can look like a normal human, but the fact is he's actually super ugly. Aaaaah. Shrieeeek. Oh nooooo's.

"Ugh, I have to take HIM to the prom? Oh, barf!"

That was it for me and the horror genre. Boo to the modern day horror authors! And a hiss to them, too!

Fast forward a couple of years. I'm at my Dad's house, perusing his collection of books because that's just how I roll. Medical jargon, medical jargon, clinical crap...Steven King? Holy crap, my Dad has basically every Steven King novel ever published.

Meh, I've avoided King ever since accidentally walking in on a viewing of 'It' which scarred my view of shadow puppets forever, but I'm a teenager and I am bored. This 'Green Mile' book is pretty short. It should entertain me for the weekend.

The Green Mile, which was released as a serial, took me about five hours to read. Then I stormed my Dad's book collection and gathered up everything else that King wrote, and may have sort of a little stuck some of them in my bag on the way out, because the weekend is only so long and the library was closed on Mondays.

Nom nom nom! Went my reading mouth against King's novels. I can't say that I've read all of them, because eventually I realized that King had a thing for random moments of extreme violence that simply did not interest me. But I was enchanted by the way King wrote. He cast out into the mind of the reader using voices--not just one voice--that were as inescapable as they were distinct. In a single novel, he could place the reader in the shoes of a runaway abused housewife, a psychopathic cop, and a monster in a painting, and not a single beat was missed. Part of the power of King's work was that the horror--the real flinchy stuff--wasn't about monsters or spells or space-age wizardry. It was about human nature. The terrifying part of the climaxes in his novels was that I could only bob my head and think 'Yeah, that's what would happen. That's exactly what would happen.'

When King was awarded with the title of Most Epicest Awesome Bigshot Author Evar a little while ago, I was not surprised. Even still, I had lost my taste for King and his dark chocolate stories. I thought, this time for sure, I am done with Horror. Even though I loved books with vampires and werewolves (real ones, not ones made from crushed disco balls) and all those sorts of bump-in-the-night things. But whatevs. That's just how I roll.

Then, within the last couple of years, my Broinlaw introduced me to this sweet book. Steampunk Zombie Horror set during Civil War times.

Look it up. Buy it now.

Um, yes please.

The book was Boneshaker. The author was Cherie Priest. And I. Was. Wowed.

I went all Amazon-stalky on Priest (meaning I bought all her books, not that I lopped off one boob and watched her from the bushes). Her first series was set in the south and involved a medium who has been stalked by ghosts and a crazy shooter all her life. Urm, okay, thank you, yes please, more.

I read the first book in this series, and it was one of those awesome experiences where you don't even realize you've done nothing but sat there for six hours with your nose buried in delicately crafted words. As I reached the end of the novel, I realized something odd.

I had the chills.

An actual, physical reaction to the tremor in my heart that Priest's story had given me. I was actually scared! WOAH!!

Priest's work sent me back on the path towards spooky things and nail-biters. It showed me that there CAN be elegance in the grotesque, and the horror genre is not something that has been destroyed in the modern day. Even though it can be hard to believe that, when you look it up on Amazon...yeesh.

Several months ago, after I made the difficult decision to, rather than work on a sequel as I was unsuccessfully querying 4th Leaf, work on a completely different project, I had a conversation with a friend. I was blocked and frustrated and everything I started was a dud. He suggested I work on a short story based on a favorite childhood experience I'd shared with him: my brother and I, running footloose and fancy-free through the beautiful woods of West Virginia, where my family used to camp.

I liked the idea. But the more I thought about it, the more it changed. The woods got darker. The trees more sinister. The children less innocent...and they were running towards a pool. A pool where they led wanderers, shoving them in, and when the wanderers crawled back out, they were children, too...children who wanted nothing more than to lure in more strangers.

Bam.

And from there, I developed my current WIP: A fantasy horror novel titled Lorelei, Once.

And that, gentle friends, is my journey to my genre! Long and adventurous, wasn't it?

So now...tell me yours!

If you aren't working in a 'genre' situation, describe your journey into whatever medium, speed, flavor, or any descriptive term that you are working in or with or on. Any particularly eye-popping responses will be linked to on Friday's blog!

And...go!!

*At this particular moment in time, all cash and prizes take the form of free publicity. I'm an unpublished author working in a bakery, after all.

But Why?

And thus concludes the longest break between blog posts that I have ever indulged in!

I promise, this Monday I have a brand new Requestion post already written up and ready to go, and from hereon out I will do my best to actually stick to the schedule. I even have a new theme for the vlog that will be a lot of fun! The Internets will be absolutely smothered in J.

Today, though, I have a muse-y blog for you.

It is graduation time, which means a lot of planning and prep and stress for some people, which translates readily into the bakery world. Dozens of cake orders that must be JUST PERFECT because dozens of people are experiencing a once-in-a-lifetime moment that they have worked very, very hard for. Families come in from out of state, sometimes even from out of the country, and the last thing any of them need is a crappy cake to ruin the glorious moment.

Stress levels--and business flow--is high. That's just what happens around big events; holidays, celebrations, you name it. If you have lived long enough, you know this. If you have worked in customer service long enough, you know this.

Well, I'm 24 and I've worked in customer service since I was sixteen. So it takes a lot to surprise me.

Today was a fairly awful day at work. We were busy, which is fine because it makes the day go by much more quickly, and besides that three of my best friends were working with me, so the day could have just been fantastic. But throughout my shift there was a constant stream of uncalled for rudeness. This is also something you just sort of come to expect in customer service--when you have one person who is paying for another person to do something for them, there can easily be a sense of entitlement. Some people aren't built to handle that with grace. That's just the way it is, and it really does not have to be the end of your good mood, but it does tend to grind on you if you get enough of it all at once, and all throughout the day. Smiling and asking someone how they are doing should not result in them sneering at you to 'piss off' as they flick their wrist and march away with cookies in hand. That's just excessive. Somehow, it happened twice today.

One incident in particular jarred me. A woman came to the bakery and insisted that she needed a cake specially made for her by 5:30 tonight--which was kind of impossible, as the decorators were not only long gone, but left a giant stack of orders they had to do for the next day. Various suggestions were made--she could buy a kit and decorate her own cake (her idea, and $10), a cake could be written on for her (standard procedure, free) or a kit could be put on a ready-made cake and the price adjusted to fit (a hassle on any day, much less massively busy ones; $6).

I wasn't actually the clerk helping her. One of our new ladies was helping her, and unknowingly quoted the wrong prices. My friend was standing nearby and corrected her, unknowingly giving her a second incorrect set of prices. When I heard the incorrect quote, I hurried over, waited for a lull in the conversation, and explained what the actual charge would be. I smiled. I asked if there were any other questions. I went back to work.

A moment passed, during which the woman decided on having the new lady redecorate a cake for her. Then she came over to my side of the counter, where I was packaging bread with my friend.

"Excuse me?"

I looked up.

"I just wanted to let you know that that woman was very kind and sweet and helpful-"

She's smiling, I'm smiling. Good! Our newer worker is a good saleswoman.

"-and you were a complete SNOT."

The childish word and the absolute vitriol in the woman's voice takes me by surprise. She proceeds to snarl at me about how I barged in and I was so completely RUDE! She actually spits with some of her words, and points at me like I'm a dog that peed on the carpet. She rants at me for a bit more while my friend and I just sort of stare at her, slightly slack-jawed. I try to explain that I was just trying to help get the correct information out, and she slaps the explanation down with a couple more insults. So I apologize, and get back to work while she huffs back to talk to the lady working on her cake.

Later I explained to my manager what happened, in case the customer decided to lodge a complaint with an store manager.

That is all I am allowed to do. I can't defend myself. I can't fight back against name calling and insults that I got as a reward for doing my job. I just have to take it, and apologize for imagined slights, and get back to work. I try not to think about it for the rest of my shift, but my stomach is sour and my hands are shaking for a while after the outburst, and I spend more time telling myself that it doesn't bother me than I probably would if that were true.

Am I a snot? A rude person? Sometimes, yeah! I'm young. I listen to my music to loud. I'm intelligent enough to recognize when other people are idiots,  and snarkery is one of my favorite pastimes, hanging right below writing, and I am blessed because the two can mate and produce a beautiful baby in the form of snarky lit. But I need my job too badly to bring any of that out in front of customers. Because I know that one grouch could get me fired if they complained to the right/wrong manager.

But that's besides the point. I've met morons, and jerks, and irritants in humanoid form before. But I would never pin someone down and snarl at them about how much they suck just because I COULD. The only time I have ever given someone a tongue lashing was when they did serious emotional harm to someone I care about. Even then, I do it in private, and I let them have their say, and I try to remain respectful and calm.

And throughout the day, I wondered about this snarly woman.

What did she hope to accomplish by coming over, singling me out, and insulting me like that?

What's the next move for her? Does she go around and brag to her friends about how she told off some snotty rude ruderson at the grocery store, because they had the audacity to correct someone on a price?

What sort of life must she lead, that she derived so much pleasure in putting some nobody bakery clerk in Podunk, Montana, in their place?

Whatever has happened in my life--whatever magical series of events--that led me to becoming the sort of person who is not THAT sort of person, I'm grateful for it. If I ever become the sort of person who will verbally slap someone around just because they have to take it, and just because I can, may all my fingers go numb so I can never write again until I change back.

To my great relief and mild amusement, that woman sent someone else in to pick up her specially designed, late notice cake. With any luck I won't have to deal with her again. In the meantime, I'm taking this awful day and turning it into fuel for words. I wrote this muse-y, rant-y blog post, and because a coin flip turned out heads I'm posting it. The rest of the night belongs to my novel, which should benefit greatly from the 8-hour reminder of why I am not down with the day-job world.

Larkin Out!

'Round the Block: Inspiration

Quick reminder: This week's Requestion is open to responses until Friday's Weekend Shuffle, when I will shower my favorite answer with affection and as much free publicity as being spotted on my blog can afford.

Now! It's Wednesday, which means it's time to go

'Round the Block.

What does that mean? A little something different every week. The block may refer to a creative block, or it may refer to the fact that I'm kicking pebbles around the internet and seeing what rises to the surface.

This week, it's the former.

Throughout the month of February, I am going to be writing up a storm. I have a fun new YA horror-fantasy novel that's taken me by storm. My brain is agog with ideas and symbolism and character development and as I chunk into my year-long sabbatical*, I want to make the best use of it. February is going to see the first draft complete. March will be a heavy editing month. April will be fine-tuning. Then, at the end of April, I have a week's vacation scheduled from work to reward myself/finish work if I've been lazy.

So there is a plan, and the action is intense. I have a notebook chalk full of scatter-brained research and giddy plot twists. There's enough un-planned that the thrill of the chase is strong. I have an amazing soundtrack that I have been listening the crap out of. I've been staring down inspiration art, and watching all of the creepy shows at my disposal.

I can't disclose much about the project at this stage for multiple reasons. As I get some meat on the bones, I'll talk more about it. But for now, I can share my inspirations. Have a look!

This is involved!

As is this!

Yeah, buddy!

And a little bit of this, too!

And the songs headlining the soundtrack:

The new project doesn't have a title yet. I think this is going to be one of those that doesn't have a name until it actually exists. That happens sometimes.

And that's all I have to share! Anyone else got some inspiration they want to let the rest of us indulge in..?

End! EEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNND!!!

Hey internet!

Very brief updates about Ze J Larkin:

I will be moving into my own studio apartment. WOO! Possibly soon. Probably I will be sleeping on my mom's couch for a little while if it takes the apartment complex's people a while to process my paperwork.

I am rewriting the entire climax of Ze Book. After I added a new arc, which put me 10 days behind schedule, I got to the climax and realized it made. Zero. Sense. But after much rage-at-self for being enemy-of-self, I have figured all that out and just need to really crush myself against the grind stone and make it happen. Ze Book is much better for it. Trust me.

Ze Book will be in the hands of official Beta readers in November. Woo! Excited! Concerned! Excited! Woo!

And Now Onto Le Blog!!

Let's talk endings.

As I said above, I'm currently reworking the climax of Ze Book. The final chapter remains more or less the same, but the big BAM! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED! moment is completely different. And I have spent a lot of time thinking lately about novel endings.

I've heard it said (okay, read it written) that it is the ending, more than any other part, that a reader will walk away thinking about. It is the ending of a book that determines what a reader will say to their friends about the book. The characters can be awesome, the prose can be ridoncidonculous, but the ending is the thing that weighs on their mind.

This makes sense, of course. If the punchline of a joke is lame, are you going to walk away praising how well it was told? If the climax of a film is the weakest of weak sauces, are you going to walk away talking about how sweet the filmography was?

Maybe. If you're one of those people.

But then, what makes a good ending?

Personally, I like to see the characters struggle. I don't want to read "AHA! And then we won." I want to get concerned. I want to not be able to stop turning pages, even if I'm pretty sure I know how things are going to go down.

I also like to be surprised. As many novels as I've read, it's not often that that happens any more. I've become tragically genre-savvy. Even the books I've loved lately, I knew pretty much exactly what each person was going to do and what role they were going to play before their introductory paragraph was over. But--and oh boy, here is where I get choosy--the surprise can't be the kind of thing you'd only know if you were, say, the author. So I want an 'Aha!' moment, but not a 'Duh!' moment, but not a 'Yeah, whatever' moment.

Picky picky.

What else? I like bookend endings. Themes that tie the ending back to something that happened way at the beginning. It makes me giggle. I don't know.

I like endings that are concise. Boom! BAM! Whammo! Brief conversation. The End.

I saw a movie recently that had the climax about thirty minutes before the ending. It also had thirty minutes of introduction before the movie started. I was screaming at the screen (the theater housed only my sister and I) "END!! EEEEEEEENNNNNND!!!"

On the other hand, a story shouldn't just...end. Boom! BAM! WHAtheend.

No.

Also? I like bittersweet endings. Heavy on the sweet. But it's hard for me to buy a story where EVERYthing is wrapped up neat and pretty with zero loss or quarter given. Life is compromise. A good story is a peek into someone else's life.

One of the best endings I've ever seen?

Granted, this clip skips a great deal of the other issues that are closed up beautifully (until the second movie rips everything all up to shreds for no reason other than to create some pointless drama AAAARGGH WHY DISNEY WHY) but this film, which happens to be on my top five list of all-time favorites, hits all of the points I listed above.

So what about you guys? What do you like in endings? What do you hate? What's an example of one of your favorite endings evar?

Peace out!

-J

No Thanks

Updating the blog a mere three days after the last post?

But here we are.

I would still like to hear your responses to the last post. I just wanted to share a little story with you, people of the internet, that has been spreading a grin across my face all day.

I warn you now, it is entirely about me. Turn back now if you were hoping for something far-reaching or directly applicable to your own lives. Or, if you feel like charging on, I promise to include a tooth-rottingly cute picture of my favorite animal at the end of the post.

Alright.

So, as I mentioned on the other 'You Can't Possibly Get Too Much Of Me' social media sites I'm on, the other day I sent out a bunch of queries for a children's story I wrote. The story would be a picture book, but I'm not interested in doing the pictures myself. I just envision the story going with a sort of sparkly, girly, cutesy art style that is...well, miles away from my own.

Yeah, I don't...I don't draw like this.

And the story took me about an hour to write, so I don't have the tooth-and-nail devotion to it that I do for, say, Ze Book.

Anyhow, I sent out the queries. I in no way expect to have seven agents battling for the right to represent Going to be a Unicorn, partially because my ego is not quite that out of control, and partially because I realize that very few people are actually interested in picture book texts right now. The market is just not leaning in that direction; if anything, most agents who represent picture books at all say (on their sites) that they're interested in author-illustrators. Or previously established authors.

But actually, actively querying and bracing myself for rejection seemed like a good idea. Because, hey, the worst thing that could happen is one agent reads the story, is repulsed, and tells his or her compatriots to avoid the name of J Larkin as though it were a disease you would never discuss in polite conversation. Which is not very likely. And once I am ready to start querying for Ze Book, I know there will be a lot of people who respond with 'Not my thing.' And I want to make sure I'm ready for that sting, beyond knowing how silly it would be to expect everyone to love what I've written.

This morning, at approximately stupid o'clock, my phone made that sound. The sound. The sound that is assigned to sound when my authorial email address is breached.
(The sound, for all those who are curious, can be heard in the clip below).


I rolled over, conked my head on the bedside shelf-thing, and maneuvered my way to the new email before I was fully awake.

Once I was awake, I read two words. The title of this blog post.

No thanks.

I shrugged, hit 'delete,' and rolled back over to catch a couple more hours of sleep. It wasn't until my face was pressed back into the pillow that I realized I'd just received my first rejection letter. Then I grinned.

I'm still grinning now, just thinking about it. I got rejected, and I was cool with it. Of course I care, and I think that if I felt absolute apathy then I'd be headed in the wrong direction. But there was no punch in the gut, no need to stiffen my upper lip, and no consoling necessary.

It's a baby step. Heck, it's not even that. It's more like the baby has finally managed to roll over on its own. Whoopdi-flippin'-do! But still, I feel a little ironic nudge coming from somewhere. I can handle rejection just fine, and get right back to the drawing board to work some more. Maybe I'm cut out for this writing thing after all!

Now, as promised...

D'AWWWWWW =D

Writing Ze Book You Want to Read

Hey internet;

I believe I mentioned that I was working on another rant. That was true, and I liked the idea of it before I started. Then I got about three sentences in and got bored.

"I can't stand rules that are--SQUIRREL!"

The idea still lingers in my mind and maybe one day I'll return to it (the rant was about silly rules) but for now there's something else stuck in my craw that I would like to discuss.

I say discuss because I hope others will take the baton and run with it, either on their own blogs or on this one...just let me know, I'd love to hear your opinions :)

So, over at YAtopia (love the name, it's right up there with Libratopia) there is an easy-to-enter contest, open to everyone and with fabulous prizes. Free book? Possibility of a kindle? Squeee pick me pick me! I already have a stack of books without shelves to call home, let's make the pile truly outrageous!!

Well, in order to enter the contest you have to just say what book you are most looking forward to in 2012. Easy enough; that's a whole year of fresh publishing to choose from.

I've been following publishing news a lot, lately, but hadn't gone beyond this year. So I popped around on the mighty interwebz and found a few lists. I spent some time searching. And searching. A perusing. And searching.

And my face got longer. And longer. And frownier. And frownier.

Let me start by saying that I, like thousands of other faceless someones out there, have been putting a considerable amount of blood, sweat and tears into writing my own book. Ze Book. I love it. The characters are my friends, I care about them and want other people to care about them. The plot is exiting to me and the wordplay is my pride and joy. At the same time, all of the above can be excruciating to make happen. I know this.

Now that he's compiled all the drafts of Chapter 01, he can scrap them all and start over with what he's learned!

And I'm not even querying yet. So I give mad props to any and all who have reached that stage, found their agents, got their deals, and are now gleefully awaiting the due date of their hardcover honeys*.

So I'm not trying to be snide or flippant or disparaging. That's the last thing I'd do to someone who I know has worked their brains into mush and achieved THE DREAM.

But pretty much all of the 2012 books sound exactly. The. Same.

This book cookie-cutter illustrates my point AND makes me want little book cookies.

Here's the basic format:

Sad Underage Estrogenbot (we'll call her 'SUE' from here on out) has something tragic in her past. Then BOOM something happens that ushers Some Totally Uninteresting Dude (we'll call him 'STUD' from here on out) into her life. There's some sort of mystery or problem going on, the solution to which is painfully obvious to any reader with basic thinking skills but WILL be dragged on until the last chapter. SUE and STUD make painfully unappealing googly eyes at each other despite hating each other for legitimate reasons and/or already being so TOTALLY in love because the author says so.

SUE will be determined to fix the aforementioned problem/mystery, but will in fact end up doing little more than riding on the coattails of her supporting cast while loudly bemoaning her fate. She will get all the credit in the end because...well, because she's SUE.

There is some variation, of course. But not much. SUE is always super-sad or angry about something. If the world is a dystopian future (it probably is, because that's what's hot right now) SUE will approach everything with the morally justified eyes of someone from our time, even if it makes absolutely no sense for her to do so because she's known nothing but the dystopian world her entire life.


Oh, and the cover will be a picture of SUE in one of those floaty-puffy-dreamy dresses, just sort of...floating. Looking dramatic. Probably against a gray, watery, misty, or ashy background. I thought about making a collage of all the covers I've seen like that, but that would feel too much like I'm going after specific people, which I am definitely not.

But come on...I'd like to see some variety on the 'new arrivals' shelf.

To make matters worse (better? I don't even know) I think I understand what's going on. It's not exactly a secret that books (especially YA books, I believe) have a tendency to play follow-the-leader. One novel will come out, get a lot of people excited, and then for the next few years we see an increasing number of books in that style until there seems to be nothing but watered-down versions of it available.

Harry Potter --------------> thousands of fantasy, magicky adventures.

Twilight -------------------> thousands of vampire/human romances.

The Hunger Games -------> thousands of dystopian worlds with female leads.

Well, I believe/hope we are at the point where the schtick has run out. It's about time for a new genre boost. I'm rooting for something with more humor in it.

But what do you guys think? What's the next big 'thing?' Or, you can say I'm completely off my rocker. That's okay, too. Working on Ze Book may have made me hyper-critical of what others write, especially when I feel like I've read it dozens of time...or if the SUEs and STUDs are just so mind-numbingly boring, annoying, and unlikable that I find myself screaming at the book to "END. END."

My solution is to write Ze Book I want to read, as writers have been encouraged to do since shortly before Methuselah was born. What's yours?

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

Guess what I finally finished?

That's right. Episode 01 of the Phil Innis Adventures: Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda.

When I first decided I wanted to make an audio drama, I had no idea how much work was ahead of me. Writing the scrips takes time. Tightening up the scripts takes even more time. Casting is surprisingly difficult--finding people who not only can but will do the readings for you is just nuts. Getting them to read the lines the way you want without coming off as a shrieking stage mom and scaring them away is even worse. And then there's the editing, and the sound effects hunt...

But after months of work I have an almost 40 minute long product! And now I sort of know what I'm doing, and the process might take even less time in the future!

And there is absolutely no way I could have gotten this far on my own. I had some very patient, very enthusiastic help from certain family members and friends. Allow me to take this moment to say that you guys rock. So hard. And I love you and promise that in the future something something sap sap sap. You're awesome.

Now, this first episode is complete, save for the introduction and credits which I'd like to add in a cool announced voice (I've got the music picked out and everything), but that will all be done and added before the show actually goes live. Which...will not be for a while. I don't want to start officially releasing PIA until I have the first season all tied up in bows and presentable. As a reader of webcomics and a listener of podcasts and the like, I know how frustrating it can be to hear/see/smell something awesome, and then be denied another taste of it for many moons.

I will not do such a thing to my imaginary fans!!

But for those of you who are interested, here, in three parts, is Episode 01: Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda! With built in intermission.

EDIT: Or, if you just want to download the mp3 file and carry it around in your pocket, you can go here!

Part 01:


Part 02:


Part 03:


So what do you guys think? Now that I've scratched that itch, I really must get back to my beloved 4th Leaf (Ze Book). I have begun to miss it terribly.

Libratopia!

Hi internet!

So, as mentioned before, there is a new book review blog opening up. It officially has a name (and a website): Libratopia!

The name was the invention of the Broinlaw, and the criteria was a joint effort. I'm almost finished with my first criview (see Libratopia to find out what a criview is) which has been a lot of fun to write.

Hopefully as time goes by this little project with gather some interest and do some good for the reading world. Hopefully it will be compelling, taut, rivetting, rollicking, and yet never actually use those words in a criview because they mean nothing to the average reader.

In other news, yesterday was my older brother's birthday. He is an extremely cool dude to whom I owe a lot, and I am extremely grateful that he is a part of my life. Respect and love, Bro :)

And as for Ze Book? Still chipping away at it, full steam. I had some dizzy daydream about having it finished before school started up again, but I'm pretty sure that's just crazy talk. A more realistic goal is having it done by November, so I can participate in NaNoWriMo again. I didn't participate last year because I was working hard on the second draft of 'First Time's a Charm,' and while the rules explicitly state that your NaNo should be a new work, I didn't want to leave Ze Book alone for a month.

If I'm ready for November, I would be glad to participate in the insanity again :) The project, of course, would be the Ze Sequel!

Have you guys ever heard of/participated in NaNoWriMo? If you're not into writing, what sort of stuff do you do, and how do you manage your time?

Killer Bees!

Hey Internet!

I've been holding off on a new post because there is a lot of media I wanted to share with you that is taking a while to get finished off. The very first Phil Innis monologue, some drawings, some photos--including a gorgeous necklace my best friend Kayla made for me--and a bit of writing, of course. I know, it's my own fault for expecting to get all of that done whilst also keeping my thumbs stuck in pies labeled 'work' and 'school.' So, I'll apologize for the unintentional hiatus and we'll just move on with our online relationship.

Well, I still don't have any of those cool things above ready to post. So I thought I'd center this one on music.

Music is a big part of what I do (meaning, in my mind, writing). For each project I undertake, there is a song that cements the feel of it into my mind. I call this the 'Coffin Song' because it signals the end of the mushy-gushy-sculptable phase of the project, and the beginning of the actual work on it. I may have blogged about this before. If so...well, repetition is the mother of...something, I forget.

The Coffin Song for Ze Book is Chambermaid Swing, by Parov Stelar:

Listen to that beauty and you'll get a good feel for Ze Book's world. Or maybe you'll get a completely different feel for something else. That's fine, too.

The Coffin Song for The Phil Innis Adventures is Film Noir, by Venus Throw. Sadly, I cannot find a link to this epic song, but let me put this into perspective for you...hearing it for the first time affected me so much, I made a previously run-of-the-mill hardboiled detective Southern. Yes, the entire reason PIA has a Southern edge to it at all is because of Venus Throw. They describe themselves as noirbilly! There's nothing better I can say for them than that. Hop onto iTunes and buy their stuff.

End advert.

Going from that vein, though, the entire reason I was inspired to make a post about music is because I discovered a new wonderful addition to my 'Phil Innis' playlist. They fit in perfectly well with Venus Throw and Imelda May. I would like to share them with you: Kim D and the Killer Bees!

A sample of their great old timey, jazzy, rocky sound can be found in "Hot Blooded Woman":

They're not available on iTunes, but their music can be purchased on the ReverbNation link provided above. It's worth all 596-or-so pennies, in my humble opinion.

And that's about all I have to say for now. Give me a little more time and I'll get another post up with all those cool pictures and sound files that I promised. Until then, take care!

-J

Painting and Philing Again

Hey Internet :)

So, those of you who follow me on Twitter (which is, at least inadvertently, all of you that read my blog) may have seen this, but I thought I'd share it here:

I painted a tiny picture on a tiny easel.

It is a bunny. The bunny's name was Bunny.

The painting was a birthday gift for my Mom, who was very fond of the bunny. There are a few other of her 'favorites' in the painting, but I won't go into that right now :) For those wondering: she seemed to really like it, in spite of the fact that due to scheduling issues it didn't reach her until about a week after The Day.

But the mini-bunny has got me all geared up for more painting. I'll post pictures of whatever else comes up in the near future, but the next two I have planned are also gifts, so I won't post them until they've reached their targets ;)

Some more art, which I don't think I've posted yet:

Left to Right: Celia Reese, Edgar Rhodes, Phil Innis, Detective Sloane, Jasper South, and Agatha Helmsley

This lovely banner (it's rather small to fit on the blog, but believe me, it is lovely) work includes all of the finished vector portraits for The Phil Innis Adventures. It was printed out onto a super cool mug which I now own; I have another mug with only Edgar, Phil, Jasper and Agatha. I consider one of them to be the Season 1 main cast, and the other to be the Season 2 cast. Which is which will, hopefully, be made clear as time goes on.

I've spent a lot of time recording my own vocal talents for Phil's monologues (of which there are many in each episodes), which has been fun. There have been a few people who expressed interest in letting me steal their voices Ursula-style, so the dream of having at least one complete episode before I go gray seems kinda-sorta possible! Yay!

Maybe I should post a snippet...who wants to hear a Phil Innis monologue? If I get at couple 'aye's that would be hugely encouraging :P

Well, I'm off to do that thing I do! Cheers!

-J

Dear Ms. X:

Woah, long time since my last update! Sorry about that, folks, but I've been up to a lot of mischief. Jimes and gambles have been at play. Insert other fun cliche here.

I'd love to fill you in on everything I've done, but you saw a vague list in my last post, and let's be honest: nobody reads a stranger's blog to hear about chores and recaps. And if they do...well, it's probably because they're a superhero/villain and need a break from their otherwise extremely exciting lives.

Instead of telling you how many loads of dishes I've done and how many pages I've written (alright, the answer to both is 'oodles') I'm going to share something I've recently crafted: my 'kisses kisses please represent me' letter. The 'professionals' call it a query letter, but that's just because their educated lips don't know how to make proper kissy sounds.

Eventually, hopefully 'soon', I will have a completed novel. And when I have polished, sand blasted, and polished it again, I will seek an agent to seek a publisher to shove my baby in the public's eye. This is the letter that will hopefully start the process:

Dear Ms. X:

I thought that getting shot in the face by a green-eyed dame was the worst thing that could happen to me. Then my mother was kidnapped.

I don't want to think that it's my fault, but I have to face facts:

-I, like a brainless goldfish, swallowed a magic rock.

-Everyone and their enchanted dog wants the rock for themselves.

-The only leverage anyone could have against me was my mother.

-Someone decided to use that leverage.

Now I'm stuck working with two private detectives—one of whom is the lady that shot me in the face—who want the rock for their client. They've agreed to help rescue my mother if I give the rock to them. That is, of course, assuming there's some way to retrieve the rock before it gets absorbed into my body: a process which I can only hope will not kill me.

First Time's a Charm is a YA novel, the first in a planned series. The novel is complete at 65,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours,

Thomas Kaiser
(Edited and Produced by J Larkin)

So what do you guys think? If you received this amongst 50-60 other queries, would you, an imaginary agent, request pages? Or is the bait not tantalizing enough? I plan on sending the letter over to Query Shark  once Ze Book is complete, but for now I'll settle for posting it on my own site.

In other news, The Phil Innis Adventures had its first semi-successful recording session!! I have legitimate audio files to play with, and play I have. The episode is not complete, but when it is I'll post it up for people to have a listen to, just to see if the formula is right.

Until later, take care!

-J

All Better (and Better and Better!)

Hello everyone!

So now, I'm almost completely over my sickiness. I feel way better than I did, and throughout the healing process I uncovered a lot of exciting news, and did some exciting things.

I'm tempted to list these from mundane to most exhilarating, but sorting them thusly would be...difficult. So I'll just shove them off of the diving board in my brain however they happen to line up.

I've finally made some more progress in Ze Book. I was having a bit of trouble for a while there, for reasons that sprouted entirely from my own issues. You know; go a few days without being able to make any progress, initiating a freak-out that maybe you can't do this after all, proceed to a few days of self-loathing for giving up so easily, and finally snap out of it after a cleansing venting session with a friend at work (Thanks, Roberta!)

So, progress is being made. Slowly but surely. Will I reach my goal of having a publishable book before the end of the year? Definitely. Will I reach my goal of "" before I start school in the summer? Eh...we'll see.

In a different creative vein, I've made these:

This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is Agatha Helmsley. She is the unbelievably efficient secretary to Counselor Jasper South:

who is a lawyer in a 1940's Southern town. He's very good at what he does, and sees justice and fair play as ways of life rather than just ideals. He often runs into:

Edgar Rhodes, an officer in the Homicide Division, and the long-time off/on/off/on/off/on/off paramour of:

Phillipa 'Phil' Innis, the southern private detective who is hired by Jasper, friends with Agatha, and the lead of 'The Phil Innis Adventures,' an audio drama which will hopefully be coming 'soon.' Meaning, of course, whenever I can get a few shows recorded and mixed, which is not happening with any amount of ease because my actors all have very conflicting schedules :)

The pictures I created with a vector program (my sister says I use the term 'vector' in a weird way, and maybe I do, in which case I apologize but don't really care) to be used as decorations on the eventual hosting website. They're not quite finished yet, but I wanted to show what I've been working on so it doesn't just feel like I've been futzing around on the computer :) I have plans. Oh, how I have plans. But step by step, yes?

So that's the news on my creative front.

In other news, I was driven to squealing like an idiot schoolgirl pig by this news: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, my ultimate of ultimate favorite bands, is going to be playing in my state. The day after my birthday, at the end of this year.

SQUEALZMGEEEK!!!

So, I know where I'll be on December 15th. I've often said I'd give an arm and a leg (maybe not mine, but someone's) to see them live. Problem, is they usually play more in the Southern region (is that irony, considering my earlier southern-related stuff?). But now, here we are. They'll be just a five-to-six hour drive away. And no one need lose their limbs! YAY!

And, finally, the family vacation is coming up. Have I mentioned this? My dad and stepmom decided to round up the entire gang (that's...that's a lot of people, let me tell you) and foot the bill to get us all on a cruise to Mexico.

My jaw hit the floor. Did anybody else's?

I'm really excited about this. We have never, literally never, done anything as an entire unit. That includes: Mom, Dad, Stepmomster (loving nickname she came up with herself, by the way), Big sister, Broinlaw, Big brother, Me, Little brother, Little sister, Little stepbrother, Little sister.2, Little Halfsis, Niecey, Nephewpoo.

That's a lot of Brown/Henderson/Matelich, right there.

And between school, and work, and living very long distances away...this is quite possibly the only shot we'll have to spend this much time together. On a big fancy boat.

Coming this April!