Dear Ms. X:

Woah, long time since my last update! Sorry about that, folks, but I've been up to a lot of mischief. Jimes and gambles have been at play. Insert other fun cliche here.

I'd love to fill you in on everything I've done, but you saw a vague list in my last post, and let's be honest: nobody reads a stranger's blog to hear about chores and recaps. And if they do...well, it's probably because they're a superhero/villain and need a break from their otherwise extremely exciting lives.

Instead of telling you how many loads of dishes I've done and how many pages I've written (alright, the answer to both is 'oodles') I'm going to share something I've recently crafted: my 'kisses kisses please represent me' letter. The 'professionals' call it a query letter, but that's just because their educated lips don't know how to make proper kissy sounds.

Eventually, hopefully 'soon', I will have a completed novel. And when I have polished, sand blasted, and polished it again, I will seek an agent to seek a publisher to shove my baby in the public's eye. This is the letter that will hopefully start the process:

Dear Ms. X:

I thought that getting shot in the face by a green-eyed dame was the worst thing that could happen to me. Then my mother was kidnapped.

I don't want to think that it's my fault, but I have to face facts:

-I, like a brainless goldfish, swallowed a magic rock.

-Everyone and their enchanted dog wants the rock for themselves.

-The only leverage anyone could have against me was my mother.

-Someone decided to use that leverage.

Now I'm stuck working with two private detectives—one of whom is the lady that shot me in the face—who want the rock for their client. They've agreed to help rescue my mother if I give the rock to them. That is, of course, assuming there's some way to retrieve the rock before it gets absorbed into my body: a process which I can only hope will not kill me.

First Time's a Charm is a YA novel, the first in a planned series. The novel is complete at 65,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours,

Thomas Kaiser
(Edited and Produced by J Larkin)

So what do you guys think? If you received this amongst 50-60 other queries, would you, an imaginary agent, request pages? Or is the bait not tantalizing enough? I plan on sending the letter over to Query Shark  once Ze Book is complete, but for now I'll settle for posting it on my own site.

In other news, The Phil Innis Adventures had its first semi-successful recording session!! I have legitimate audio files to play with, and play I have. The episode is not complete, but when it is I'll post it up for people to have a listen to, just to see if the formula is right.

Until later, take care!

-J

Beating the 'Crap' out of 'Crap Ton of Stuff to Do!'

As briefly mentioned before, I have been a busy girl.

In the last month or so, I have signed back up for college (technically having never dropped out, but having allowed about a year to pass since my last semester), after having transferred to a new school in the first place.

I have also decided to make the brash and possibly mind-crushing goal of completing Ze Book before the semester starts. This now leaves me with 16 days. Yikes.

I've also been making efforts to get recording going on The Phil Innis Adventures. I haven't made much headway in that area due to my voice actors of choice having strained schedules themselves, but just having it officially on the plate is a nice but stressful change.

What else? Back to drawing, considering painting, working as much as I can so I can not be flat broke, and somehow managing to begin my transformation into a social creature. Because other than going to work, I really don't/didn't get out all that much, save for the odd gad-about with family members. And there's only so much social growth you can get in whilst arguing with a coworker over who has to clean the immense septic time bomb known as the Pan Washer.

Oh, and also, I've been trying really hard to get exercise. On my days off I go to the YMCA, listen to a couple of cheesy old detective radio shows, and run on the elliptical machine. I feel better doing so than not, and hope it'll be the beginning of a real change for the better. I don't have a negative body image. I just want to be more prepared for that one time when I stumble across a bank robbery and have to beat the culprits down with a loosely bolted lamp.

My sister and the Broinlaw are going to Houston for that...fabric market thing that so dominates the lives of many overworked fabric designers (and their spouses) throughout this upcoming week. This has resulted in a hilarious amount of soul-ripping hard work on their parts, and if you happen to be in Houston, dash over to gawk at their undoubtedly amazing booth. Whimper a little and say that you wish you had half their talent. It will make them feel good.

Meanwhile, as I work almost the entire week, the Niece and Nephew will be staying with grandparents in town. Except for the company of the admittedly amazingly affectionate dog, as well as an evening visit from fabulous friend Amber (and more likely than not her charming children), that will leave me alone in the house for about a week.

I'm actually quite excited! With all that lonely quiet, I imagine I can accomplish a lot of writing and various other creative endeavors. Or, you know, spend the whole time watching old episodes of Psych and Leverage. But I'm sure I'll get SOME work done.

Now, for those that care, here is a long video about the semi-recent trip to Mexico (and hopefully the first in a long line of vlogs, if I could just myself motivated to use that stupidly expensive camera I bought):