About Me

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J is an unpublished author, represented by Carrie Pestritto of Prospect Agency. J's first novel is a YA fantasy horror, regarding a siren who must choose between the haunting life and humanity. J draws on occasion, reads quite often, and is a founding member of the critique group 'Thoughtical Verbosity.'

Friday, February 25, 2011

Does Anybody Else Ever Feel Like This?

Well, here am I, true to my word and blogging remarkably soon after my last blurb.

Part of the reason I don't blog as often as others may is...well, I don't want to just get on and ramble about what the green grocer was wearing, or whatever other useless tidbit offended me. Not everyone who has the time and inclination to blog will have the brains or ability to write something interesting every time. So I savor up my brain juice and try to pour it all out at once. I'm not entirely sure what that says in correlation to my very limited posting up to this point, but...let's move on.

Every once in a while, I start to feel down on myself. Now, before you hurry to click away to a less emo blog, don't worry! There will be no likening my life to raucous music or tips on properly applying eye-makeup with a spoon. For those of you who prefer such mental wanderings...um, go somewhere else.

Anyway, every once in a while, I start to feel down on myself. I'm not entirely sure why. I have my theories, but I've also heard that it's a natural thing. Everyone's mental processes act somewhat like emotional tides. Or rollercoasters, as the case may be. I imagine mine is somewhat like a water coaster.

Moving on.

During these down times, which generally last just a couple of days or so, all of my personal faults rear up in my face. What I see is ugly and embittering. I get frustrated by how little I've accomplished, and feel like even on a good day I barely make a dent in the work I have ahead of me if I'm to reach my goals. One day goes by when I can't write, draw, paint, or even plot anything. And I start to worry that all of these things I've got planned are just going to be unfinished bits that go out with the years, leaving nothing but a bad taste in my mouth.

I rarely discuss these feelings with anyone because, quite frankly, I don't want to sound like that spoon-makeup person a few paragraphs back. And deep down, I know how ridiculous these thoughts are. Any one person can accomplish any one thing if they truly put in their all, and haven't done anything to agitate karma. And even if the progress is slow, at least I know what I want to do. Some people don't realize their dreams, much less start chipping away at them, until they're much further along in life.

So what to do with all of the negativity? I'm not a very social person by nature; never have been. So I don't have a herd of groupies to call over to sit around telling me how AWEsome I am. Nor do I think I would particularly enjoy that. I also hate spending the time I do have with the people that matter to me by whining about how off-put I've made myself.

So usually, I take matters into my own hands. I get some exercise. I watch films or tv shows I like a lot. I day-dream. I hang out with people who make me laugh. I don't dig any deeper into the insecurity pool than I absolutely must just to find the plug, pull it, and make the dark sludgy stuff sink away.

And then, at the first opportunity, I get back to work.

Does anybody else go through this?

1 comment:

  1. Oh yes Jenni...all the time...I normally write down in my journal how I feel, and later, try and relax...maybe read a book, or watch a movie, or talk to friends and have a good laugh. There are also days when I feel I can't write, or whatever I write is not good enough, and that is something that's even more irritating...but then all of us have our off days, don't we....